Defiled Debris

it's the feeling i can't shake that you're going to do it again
that you do it each time i hear your voice
and so i continue to call
ring ring ring
she's in your bed

and i'm doing it to you too

i feel like i'm tumbling down a hill picking up debris
growing as i go
into an ugly ball of the remnants of destruction
...left in my path

and i feel like we know what's impossible
but we try to keep our heads up
keep our faces dry and our hands clean
just in case any one should take notice
make sure to smile

my mouth is dirty
my heart hurts so much
so empty in all of this

i'm lying here in the filth we used to call home
lying here in this space filled with death
and my skin is crawling with the terrors of this existense
and you continue to play your games of disbelief
no ownership
conversations are had but we're only talking at each other
there is no purpose
no goal
no future

and i wonder how you continue to do it
because i just can't anymore