Colloquial Chains

It seems that I have come here again to ponder

I fall into a pattern of comfort and then I run away...but I keep coming back
It's all the same...even if it looks different.

I want more from this then it can provide...I fear I will never find what it is I am looking for.

When I watch movies with the stories about love that make me cry...all I can think is...I want that..why can't I have 'that'?...but do I?

It's not that I want what it looks like...but what it feels like..what I am getting from that scene with the simple embrace and the words that make so much sense they hurt.

And someone can say to me...you are amazing, sarah...you are beautiful, you are driven, you are motivated, you are about action, you have potential, you are going places, you are...

But it can never mean anything to me unless I can see it in their eyes that they 'are' too.

Because what I 'am' is simply me being confident about my path and my choices. Those words aren't unique to me..infact they have been used to describe many other people and even many other 'things'...
The point is: Where is he? Where is the man with the confidence to be my life partner? Where is the man who is just as driven, motivated, and beautiful as I am? Or, I should say...where is the man that I can see that way? Because there are plenty out there with all of those qualities, but where is mine?

This moment should be no different than what it is. I am not trying to rush things or push them into a place they don't belong.
But I feel as though I need to make a comment on all of this.

I cannot say that I have 'given' up...but I have finally been able to see my situation for what it is and I can finally appreciate myself and what I deserve.