Ausencia

Disparus

The grace of your existence lingers
Cheeks still wet with memories
Heart heavy with absence
Life full for having known and knowing...

A year passed
Emotion just as intense
Everything on repeat
Replay

Inability to change what is
Paused on what was
I want to feel this pain right now

I'm so hollow

***************

My life in on overdrive. Every moment accounted for with studying, tutoring, sleeping, occassional play,...rarely a spared moment for feeling the remorse.

October 22 is almost here, though...and I can't deny what that means.

It's been marinating under the surface. Occassionally escaping the tight cage...the bars are wearing thin..

It's something to go through - that's where I am...being with it, allowing it, accepting it.

I still want to take it back.
I want to touch him just one more time. I want to hear his voice one more time...I'm stuck in this tenacious cycle of regret..

I keep thinking that if I just tell myself that I've accepted it, I will...but with my eyes heavy with tears now, with the screams of unintelligible noise leaking from my chest, it's quite apparent that acceptance is far from what I feel...

I'm running out of masks and disguises...

Where is the rewind button?