I can't help but sit and think about the world that surrounds me and dig a little deeper than the surface.... Sometimes, today being one of those times, I feel so fucking freaked out.
I'm trying to pinpoint what it is that brings on these bouts of 'depression'...maybe it's the incredible stress that i am under...getting up at 4:30 am...studying until 10 or 11 and then doing it all over again the next day. Maybe it's that, although I have quite a few friends...I don't feel 'connected' anymore.
I miss Mike
I miss Kurt
I miss my parents
I miss April...
I miss Ananda
I miss Kari-Ann
I want someone to hold me
It's interesting...for days I have been having this 'craving'. I can't seem to find any satisfaction in the food I am eating and it has become very apparent that I am eating because I am 'supposed' to and not because I want to.
I was talking with April and I said that I had this craving but I couldn't put my finger on what it was...and then when I thought of it...i thought maybe it was a home cooked meal...because only my mother's food has that satisfying taste...but, no...that's not it.
I think I figured it out today.
You see, I always equate food with feeling...and I want to feel fulfilled...I feel unfulfilled. My appetite has not been quenched.
What would solve this? I don't know...a genuine hug...a soft meaningful kiss...love, feeling loved and wanted....
i feel so dramatic right now...what a week...a biochem and physiology test....i am SO drained....three hours of neuroanatomy this morning and then a physiology test...and then research for a paper that is due in a couple of weeks...and then I took Michael to the airport...slowly drove home...got my oil changed and watched a movie...because I can't concentrate...I NEED TO STUDY...I have a neuro test on tuesday - a microtest on friday - an anatomy test the following monday...AHHHHHHHH
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