One Big Sigh

"What a day, what a day"

I find myself saying this quite often these days...today especially...

Mike's headstone is in...*sigh*
And, yeah...there we are...and no mention of his children...
I can't even begin to explain how this makes me feel...though, I will:

Angry, hurt, dirty, shameful, sorry, sad, lost, confused, angry, heartbroken, selfish, caught in the middle, pissed, drained

yeah...drained.

I was over at Mike's grandparent's earlier this evening and we were talking about the politics of it all and we are all sick about it. I mean...Mike's dead...why all of this shit?
ARGH

I called his ex-wife...because she's apparently very distraught over the whole thing (rightly so - so am I). I told her that my knowledge of it did not involve my consent...it was a done deal before my permission was given...so really..I never gave 'permission'...I think above all else there should be mention of his children and his mother...not my picture...although my place is his life was significant for the last couple months of it...his children's and mother's are WAY MORE significant...how horrible that they aren't mentioned AT ALL on a headstone that will rest on his grave for the rest of our lives...I feel so sick!

anyway

I'm so EXCITED because tomorrow night - (friday) - I am having a sleepover with my nephew and katie and anthony (Mike's kids)...HOW FUN!!!!

we are going to eat pizza and watch a movie and all snuggle and sleep under the stars in the spare bedroom...I CAN'T WAIT...i get to sing a lullaby...*BIG SMILE*

I love kids...

So there's the update...