Admissions 101

I am moving in just two short weeks from now - and I find it amazing to really get in touch with the reality if this and realize that I haven't really accepted it as real up until a few days ago...and so the mini-breakdown has begun....

I have started to detach from things around here in Fairfield...I am beginning to realize that life isn't going to be so 'easy' after these next two weeks have passed. There will be no more coming and going as I please in my parents house - no more expectation of having someone else to do the laundry for me or wash my dishes....but that's just the beginning

There won't be the same old faces that I have become accustomed to in EconoFoods and at Seminar Crowds....and especially the faces of my family and close friends.
The tender pseudo-relationships that I have developed around here will be null and void..they will no longer hold a space to exist as I will no longer be available to perpetuate them....I will be back in school - studying...reading...staying up late nights to cram for tests or, at the very least to LEARN things so that I can convey them to someone else appropriately.

And, yes...I'm scared....TERRIFIED, actually, of what may come - of who I am going to become - not scared of the outcome - but the process...scared that Chiropractic school isn't going to be all I have cracked it up to be (no pun intended...hehe)...I have so many expectations around it...I am praying that it is nothing like undergrad...I am so scared that I will not be in love with it...

But I realize the error in that - and I am glad that I am doing so now - so that I can really begin to let go of that expectation and let it be what it is - and even be able to create my own reality around the situation as it happens - without the expectation and anticipation.


The real thing to mention here is that I am going to miss Fairfield. As much as I talk about wanting to leave....I am going to miss it!
The diversity of this town is really one of a kind....the people here have become like the extended family that I never had while growing up in Iowa and as much as we all may complain around here - the small town drama that everyone knows about is actually comforting and normal and something I will miss being able to be a part of when I leave.

Yes, another stage of my life is about to begin - - well, it really has begun already, right? But I have a feeling that I haven't even begun to grasp all that I will experience when I move away and that it won't be 'real' for me until I am there - and chest deep in it...

So look for further installments - as I am sure they will be pouring in as soon as I get there...