Guilt by Association

The question to ponder here today is: Are you a reflection of the people you hang out with? Or...how do I put this....when you hang out with certain people do you adapt who you are to be something more like them and along with that, are you more apt to do things that you might not have done before because they do it and there is more 'support' around that behavior?

Am I asking a rhetorical question?

I am trying to understand something about life and the decisions we make. What is it that makes a person say one thing but do another? Is it lack of integrity? Is it a weakness to the influence of a majority?
I am considering my actions where I have acted out of integrity...why did I do that? In some instances I just became lazy and didn't care about the consequences of my betrayal to my own ideals...but I later regretted it and have made a conscious pledge to not give in to the laziness...(still happens though)...
Have I ever been influenced by others?......Wait, I think I'm making things too complicated here. I think all of this has to do with the individual and can only be evaluated on an individual basis...

My real struggle is really with just one person anyway...and to generalize this issue is only to complicate it more..

The way I feel about underage drinking is simple: It infuriates me...
I am not going to be a complete hippocrate here and say that I never drank before I was 21...but I will say that I never got drunk or drank with other underage people...the only time I drank was with one or two people of age and wasn't driving anywhere or doing anything silly like that. I never went to high school parties...it just wasn't my thing....
And I'm not saying here that those who did that are wrong or bad. They just made a decision that I didn't and that's the way it is. I have talked to a lot of people who loved partying in high school and would never take back those experiences...and that's them...I don't regret not partying...
Anyway - what I'm trying to say here is that I lose respect for people who are minors and drink...because I want to believe that everyone is responsible and obeys the law as they should...for the most part. And I lose a lot more respect for people who are of age and provide for minors...because I believe those people are role models and are the ones who should set an example for the minors and convince them to just wait a few years until they are of the legal age to consume. (Really, what is there to gain from drinking when you're 16?...just wait...)
I mean, how is it that underage drinking occurs?...OF age people provide...so, take away the alcohol (of age people providing it)...and that pretty much gets rid of underage drinking!...break the cycle...

Anyway...it's complicated...it what it REALLY boils down to is that I want to believe that someone I care very deeply about would make (what I consider to be) better decisions around hanging out with minors. And it tears at me that this person not only hangs out with and drinks with minors but also considers and almost buys for them...something this person said they would never do (at least not with the crowd they are doing it with)...by the same token, however, hypocracy happens...and it doesn't mean this person is horrible...i've done something against a previous statement that I've made before too...I guess pretty much all of us have...

I struggle, like I said, because I want to hold this perfect space for this person to fit into...and they can't...and that frustrates me. It frustrates and hurts me that I have to let go of that space and accept that it doesn't and never did exist in a true form. I struggled all through my close relationship with this person to make them fit inside of the space and they never could...how horrible of me to try to contain someone within one small space....that right there is a contradiction of who I say I am...when I say that I hold spaces for people that allow them to be whomever they are...it just wasn't true for this person...I guess I never fully gave them that chance...
And I still don't know...but am trying...

I just want them to be responsible...and motivated...and who they were when I was closer to them...and it seems that a lot of fundamental things have changed...more than likely because they are no longer in my life so much anymore so they are exposed to different situations that would, naturally, change a person....
I am still attached to seeing this person grow up...and make a career for themselves. I still want to be a close part of that....but I need to let that go...because they are moving in a direction much different from me and making decisions that I don't agree with (which is fine for them but not healthy for me) and so I just need to accept that it is their life and what they are doing is right for them...and I need to continue doing what is right for me. Because the way that I live my life is perfect for me...and the way they live their life is perfect for them. No judgment here...just acceptance that things differ...things change...and that's ok