Yesterday was a big day....infact, yesterday was huge...but I refrained from blogging because I felt like I needed to center myself before I came before all of you.

Yesterday, Kurt and I decided that we are not going to get married on May 21st, 2005. Shocking? To anyone out there who truly knows me...apparently not.

The decision has been long coming...Kurt and I have been discussing our relationship and realized; what's the rush? When we really thought hard about the major driving force to getting married right now, the most prominent reasoning was money....that's not what we want

We both agreed that our relationship is far from perfect...in fact, there is a lot of work to be done. Not that this isn't the case with all relationships whether married or not...but we figured, we've got time to make what we've got going here even better before we hang some socially binding title like marriage over our heads!
So, that was that!

One thing though: Why didn't anyone ever say they were thinking the same thing??

Granted, this is 'our' (meaning Kurt and my) relationship...but I have always thought that my friends and family were very open and forthcoming with me. I feel like I have been slapped in the face 10 times today after informing family members about our decision and getting 'I didn't really tell you but I told you so's' -- what's up with that??

Kari-Ann, my very brilliant, beautiful, say-what-I-feel sister says to me: You realize you are just making the decision that everyone wanted you to make...

Well thanks for telling me AFTER THE FACT folks!

Uh, it's a mute point really...I mean, who's to say I would have listened anyway?!

There is a lesson to be learned here, though....that we DID do it ourselves. Kurt and I communicated what was going on with us and we made a major decision and we did it entirely on our own accord....
That says something, does it not? I think it does...

And you know what? I feel strangley liberated. I feel like I have room to breathe...I don't have to plan a wedding! If anything, I love Kurt more. I have seen so much about him in these past couple of days that I never saw before and it's great!

There are days when our relationship isn't 'perfect'. There are days where I wonder if he really is the right one....but when there are days where I begin to understand that this is our creation and our choices and our lives....I get that I have to stop separating myself from our relationship like it is a bicycle that can operate without one of it's wheels. Kurt and I are the wheels....

And as Kurt put so eloquently yesterday: I thought about it this way...our relationship is like a road...sometimes the road needs a little construction, so you work on it and as you continue to travel down that road you will occasionally come to bumps and work through those, but the road never ends.

Isn't he deep? *smile*