*Paranormal Activity*

Yesterday I told my fiance that I wasn't sure if I was ready to get married....BIG MISTAKE!
Note: To anyone out there preparing to get married or in the process of - don't tell your significant other anything along the line of confusion because he/she is likely to freak out!

Yeah, I know, I should have known that....but, being the kind of person that says whateverthehell I want...I didn't put one before two and I stuck my foot in my mouth....I think it all worked out though. Thanks to GREAT friends and supporters...and my fiance!

So, what happened?

You know, I am always thinking that I am secure with myself...I will be the first to admit that I run around in my reality thinking that I have a lot of things figured out...but I really don't! I mean, to be specific, I thought that when people get married they are sure about their decision, like sure with evidence to support their claim. I have always thought of it like there is this indicator that flashes on or they get a note in the mail confirming their feelings that says something like, "Yes, you are ready...please proceed with your life."
So, in my blurred reality, I have been waiting for my indicator light or letter of acceptance into the 'Sure, I'm ready' society...and recently I have been freaking out because it hasn't arrived!
Until yesterday...when I finally realized...it's never going to come!

I asked my mother how she knew she was ready to get married, and I was really hoping that she didn't know anything about this indicator light thing...(it's always good to ask those that have been through it all before)...and she said the most simple and profound thing...the thing that I needed to hear...."No one is ever sure, Sarah. You just go with it, trust your heart and know that it's never going to be easy, it's never going to be smooth sailing...but if it's someone that you feel like you can work through it all with, then you just have to dive, head first!"
I LOVE HER! Even in her shifting liquid-induced jilted reality that occurs after 10 p.m. (don't ask) she managed to say just what I need to hear.

There was also some help from one of the only people in the world that I feel gets 'me'. She says to me, "You never really know until you go for it. Sometimes there are sacrifices to make. No one is ever going to be perfect for you, you just have to decide what is perfect within their imperfections." I get it....

Yeah, maybe I am only 20...21 when I will be married...maybe I am 'inexperienced' or 'not fully cultured' but I think that I have a great support system that helps me to understand what I may not have discovered myself yet...especially that no one has the all of the answers - this is my decision and my decision alone....and I get to decide if it's perfect or not.

I love Kurt. He's a beautiful soul...he gets me, he accepts me, he loves me, he wants me....how could I ask for much more than that?!

All is well again my little homies........at least until tomorrow....